Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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