Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
