I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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