we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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