what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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