dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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