Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
