if you like me you must not know who I am
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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