my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
