benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
