Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
