sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
