Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
