3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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