Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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