At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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