haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
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