Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
