Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
