I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
