To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
