The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
