FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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