i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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