he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
its liver damage thursday
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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