An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
