fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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