I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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