Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
