You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
