checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
