I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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