Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
