i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
