Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
