TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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