so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
