you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You ruined the universe
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
