Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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