Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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