Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
