Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
