All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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