Is it normal to miss your booty call?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
