Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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