it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
no you cant smoke seaweed
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
