Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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