I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
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Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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