I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
