I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
