I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
