Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
What drink are we having for lunch?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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