My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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