i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We had to coat check the pizza.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
