i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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