dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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