I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
