Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This is my gift to your gina
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
