he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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