When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
