Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
