Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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