a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
