How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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