I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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