Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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