I heard we made out
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
