Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
