omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
