you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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