So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
