Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
