I wish I could punch you in the face.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize