I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
