There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
