i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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