Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
