3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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