Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Houston, we have a blender
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
