You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
