The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
