I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I need to calm my uterus...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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