happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
